Dr. Seuss on the Juice

(as performed by Dr. John)

When I read Kafka
I get wasted on Vodka,

Though Mr. William Faulkner
Go better with Johnnie Walker.

Can’t do Proust
With no gin in my juice.

Obviously, Jameson be the choice
When I open up my Joyce.

(Finnegan’s Wake sober
Means a walloping hangover).

Never do Virginia Woolf
Unless the bottle say 100 proof.

Nobel Laureate TS Eliot
Requires an even stronger inebriant.

And remember,
if you want to stay alive,
Don’t read and drive.