2023 in the Rear View

Well, young and old and in-between, another winter solstice had swirled us into darkness, which means it’s time for my annual attempt to rack up a few more hits by shining a light on what I consider the highlights of a year of blogging.

So let’s get going.

January

In light of the Murdaugh mess, I became more aware of just how disloyal our computers can be, whether they’re ratting us out as we’re careening 80 miles an hour heading down a dirt road to Mama’s looking to cop an alibi or merely chatting it up in a bar and having our words transported to blood-sucking capitalists, which happened to me in The Saint James Infirmary iPhone Blues

Also, I at the start of the new year, I went all self-defacing with some un-wistful memories of motor incoordination. I went all Spasmadaco.

February

Got to meet one of my literary heroes in Savannah. T. Coraghessan and Me.

Also, I mused about what it would be like to have Hunter S. Thompson cover the Murdaugh trials in the The Hyper Gothic Murdaugh Saga: Hunter S Thompson Edition.

March/April

My novel came out 31 March and Buxton Books hosted a launch in early April.

Late Life Hullabaloo.

A Reading of Today, Oh Boy at Buxton Books, Charleston, SC 11 April 2023

Caroline, Brooks, and I-and-I also went with some friends to Mexico City in April.

Heeding Andrew Marvel.

May

I wrote a limerick – ha ha! – and guess what? It’s rated PG!, not surprising given it’s a Limerick.

June

Of course, death is one of my favorite subjects, as is music. So here are two posts on those timeless subjects.

You can’t Be Any More Out of It Than Dead.

And that’s the godless truth!

Here Comes the Night features a Van Morrison music clip, which in itself is worth a click.

July

July was fun. I wrote a nostalgic piece claiming not to be nostalgic called A Nostalgic Dismissal.

And I hitched a train up to DC, got to see my son, daughter-in-law, grandson, and fellow grandparent. Alas, though, I suffered misadventures after making some bad choices on the train trip home. There’s no fool like an old fool. You can ride along in Choo Choo Ding a Ling Ling.

August

Kirkus reviewed my novel: Kirkus Review of Today, Oh Boy.

And the delightful Montgomery Boat Brawl balmed my wizened heart.

Afterbirth of a Nation: The Montgomery Boat Brawl.

September

Alas, Jimmy Buffet died: So it follows that Jimmy Buffet’s Party’s Over.

October

As she’s wont to do, Nancy Mace made an ass out of herself by thinking being slightly snubbed is the equivalent of standing on a scaffold and being humiliated by an entire town and then being further sexually shamed by having your status as adulteress emblazoned on your breast for the rest of your life.

Now that level of self-pity is truly shameful: Nancy Mace’s Scarlet Letter.

November

My friend, the incomparable, Vaughan Murzursky died: The Czarina Defies Death for a While.

December

And, finally, let us end with the beginning, a meditation on your mother’s and your Birth Pangs.

A Little Too Much Frankness

Richard Ford photoshopped into Chico Feo from a photo taken by Wesley Moore III at the Circular Congregational Church in Charleston, SC.

Frank Bascombe and I go way back to 1986, the year my second son Ned was born. Frank and I first met when I read Richard Ford’s third novel The Sportswriter, a book I absolutely dug, essentially because I loved Frank’s voice, which he himself describes as “a frank, vaguely rural voice more or less like a used car salesman: a no-frills voice that hopes to uncover simple truth by a straight-on application of the facts.”  

Frank has narrated four subsequent novels: Independence Day, which won the Pulitzer, The Lay of the LandLet Me Be Frank with You, and Be Mine, which was published earlier this year. 

Reading the first three of the Bascombe novels was like hanging out with my eloquent best friend Jake Williams, someone who can clearly perceive and then articulate how the messed-up moving parts of the human condition combine (or clash) to create, more often than not, heartache. Frank, like Jake, is stubbornly and stoically determined to remain semi-cheerful through most of its travails. Neither is a whiner; they’ve read their Aurelius. 

By most people’s standards. Frank’s life has been fraught with disappointment. His first son Ralph died of Reye Syndrome at nine, he’s been divorced twice, traded in a promising literary career for sports writing, then abandoned journalism for selling real estate. His son Paul, a troubled individual throughout his childhood, adolescence, and middle age, dies at the end of Be Mine at 47, the victim of ALS. 

Yet, unlike my experience reading the first four of the Bascombe novels, I was not sad to see the story end, not sad to be separated from the companionship that Frank afforded me, because in his old age Frank has become somewhat of a mansplainer. He’s too much of a know-it-all, too ready to diminish his fellow humans by pigeon-holing them into stereotypes. Here’s his description of one of the well-meaning greeters at the Mayo Clinic where Paul is receiving treatment:

He’s pushing a wheelchair and wearing a blue Mayo parka and a big, coffee-breath, come-on-in grin, as if he knows not only my car but everything about us. These fellows are mostly 60-ish, jowly-jovial Rotarian types with hamburger laughs, ex-military or retirees out of the sheet metal trade, who’d otherwise be home with the wife watching TV.

Here’s his take on his Mrs. Harald, who runs with her husband a motel near Sioux Falls, South Dakota:

Mrs. H seems like the best ole raw-boned gal you want to have be your cousin. But I’m willing to bet, after a couple of Crown Royals, she’ll be laying the cordwood to immigrants, ethnics, socialists, elites, one-worlders, the UN, Kofi Annan and whatnot – anyone else who fails to believe property rights outweigh human ones.

To me, on the other hand, she seems like a well-meaning Southern transplant who sympathizes with Frank and Paul and who benignly ignores Paul’s foul mouth. 

Anyway, I’m not saying that the novel is not well-plotted, rich in characterization, or worthy of Ford’s magnificent body of work. I’m only saying that Frank and I have drifted apart, a phenomenon that has happened often to him with others throughout the novels. Chances are Frank and I won’t be meeting again, not because I wouldn’t read a subsequent Bascombe novel, but because I doubt if they’ll be another. Frank seems to suffering the onset of memory issues. 

Here is the end of Be Mine.

I hear my name called. “Where are you, Frank? I’m coming. I have something you’re going to like. Something very different and new.” I turn to see who it is. The empty time I’ve missed has gone quietly closed from both sides. “Okay,” I say, “I’m ready for something different.” I smile, eager to know who is speaking to me.

Of course, I wish Frank only the best. He’s ultimately a good guy, and the pleasure of having known him far outweigh my current niggling complaints. 

Adieu, Frank.

Birth Pangs

Although it occurred 71 years ago tomorrow, I remember my birth as clearly as if it had happened yesterday.[1]

I recall grooving in the womb, the temperature a comfortable 98.6, the background music the soothing backbeat of my mother’s twenty-one-year-old heart of gold, womb service delivered umbilically in the amniotic Eden of pre-Natal bliss.

But, alas, on the fourteenth of December, an earthquake, a rupture, unwanted spasms, an excruciating expulsion through an opening not nearly large enough to accommodate the partially deflated soccer ball of my head, which, as it turned out, was covered with Hemoglobins. 

Hour after hour of torture. Then I feel the ice cold clamp of forceps on my head, depressing and denting it, as Dr. Snyder yanks me out of the vice of a constricted passageway into the freezing but blinding bright light of Dorchester County Hospital’s delivery room.

To add insult to injury, he grabs me by the ankles and slaps the tiny target of my ass as I let out a hellish, ear-shattering scream.

Welcome to the third planet from the sun, little one.

I was not a pretty sight. Both parents agreed that I was the ugliest baby they’d ever seen. They’d sometimes tell the story to dinner guests in my presence. The punch line was that Daddy had to ride back to Clemson right after the not-so-blessed event, and some lady on the Greyhound asked him why he looked so distraught, and he replied, “Because my wife has just given birth to a seven pound, four ounce monkey.”

After the laughter subsided, my mother would add, “But a week later he was the most beautiful baby you’d ever seen. When I would stroll him around Colonial Lake, strangers would stop and marvel at his beauty.”

Yeah, right.  No wonder I’m so messed up.


[1] Of course, at my age, remembering what happened yesterday clearly is not a given.

What Do Barron Trump, Shane MacGowan,  Sandra Day O’Connor, and George Santos Have in Common?

This week, i.e. 7 November 2023 – 2 December 2023, certainly has been an eventful one when it comes to obituaries, politics, and the rule of law.

I’ll start with the last item first. 

In the insurrection realm of the Trump inditements, Roy Cohn’s protege isn’t even bothering to claim innocence anymore but arguing that he shouldn’t go to trial until he finishes his second term as president in 2029, when he’ll be even older and more morbidly obese. His crackerjack legal team argues that trying him for treason during his campaign for president amounts to election interference.[1] Of course, if he wins again and again mouths the oath of office to protect the Constitution, he won’t have to worry about the term ever ending as he’ll follow in the footsteps of his good buddy Kim Jong Un and declare himself President-for-Life, perhaps bestowing succession to his sons North Korean style, which means that one day we’ll have a President who also holds the title of Bar(r)on. 

By the way, when’s the last time you’ve seen a photo of Barron Trump? He’s essentially invisible, drifting ghostlike through the rococo rooms of the Mar-a-Lago family compound pioneering a brand new literary genre, Glitter Gothic.

I’ll continue to reverse order with George Santos, the Inspector Clouseau of con men, who funneled campaign contributions into his own coffers, and dig this, stole contributors’ identities racking up thousands of dollars on their credit cards. 

Here’s a pithy summary from the NYT: 

The [Congressional] report detailed “substantial evidence” of the congressman funneling campaign funds to cover personal expenses, including at luxury retailers, on cosmetic procedures and on travel. 

Examples include: $4,127 at Hermès; “smaller purchases” at OnlyFans, a website that hosts adult content, and makeup store Sephora; $6,000 at Ferragamo; nearly $3,000 on Botox; and $3,332 for an Airbnb, when Santos was “off at [the] Hampton’s [sic] for the weekend.” 

Yesterday, in a rare example of bipartisanship, the House expelled him. Certainly, he must suffer from some form of mania, some Murdaugh-like disorder that prevents him from perceiving future consequences of wholesale criminality. 

At any rate, I’m going to sort of miss him.

Last, but not least, death.

Sandra Day O’Connor died, which was news to me because I was shocked to discover she wasn’t dead already. 

(Photo by T.J. Kirkpatrick/Getty Images)

Also, Shane MacGowan, founder and front man of the Celtic punk band The Pogues finally, as they say, bit the dust. Ever heard the phrase, “live fast, die young, and leave a beautiful corpse?” 

Hey, Shane certainly satisfied the first piece of that triad of terrible advice. According to one obituary I read, “He was repeatedly injured in falls and struck by moving vehicles.” My son Ned remembers “chatting with some Irish people who had seen him perform in a wheelchair and vomit on himself onstage.”

When I was teaching, I told my classes whenever they all made a hundred on a reading or vocabulary quiz, we’d have a “Fethibal,” that I’d turn them on to some cool video.

By far, the most popular one was the Pogues’ cover of “Dirty Old Town,” which inverts the tropes of Romanticism where lovers woo one another beneath factory walls.

Here’s a link. Enjoy! And Happy December! Click the link “Watch on YouTube!”


[1] Have you heard that Irony has committed suicide? You can read about it HERE.