Campaign theme songs go all the way back to Andrew Jackson’s “The Hunters of Kentucky” with these inspiring lyrics:

We are a hardy, free-born race,
Each man to fear a stranger;
Whate’er the game, we join in chase,
Despising toil and danger.
And if a daring foe annoys,
Whate’er his strength and forces,
We’ll show him that Kentucky boys
Are alligator horses.

Sometimes candidates choose already established tunes, like FDR’s appropriation of “Happy Days Are Here Again” and JFK’s employment of “High Hopes.”  Other times candidates commission original songs as Barry Goldwater did with the all but forgotten Tom McDonnell and Otis Clements number “Go with Goldwater.”  These songs are often flops. I seriously doubt that any of you codgers out there remember the ’68 election campaign song “Nixon’s the One.”

Nevertheless,  I can’t tell you how honored I am to have chosen myself to compose the theme song for Donald’s Trump 2015 campaign, which is entitled, appropriately enough,  “Donald Trump, We’re so Pumped.”  Let’s hope it ends up being more successful than the Republican candidate’s 1972 theme song “Nixon Now,” which you can experience for yourself here.

To be sung to the tune of “The Mickey Mouse Club Theme Song”

Ah, one, a two, sing:

Who’s the man in the GOP,

Whose best for our country?

D-O-N-A-L-D T-R-U-M-P!

*

Not Bush, Not Walker, Not Carson!

They’re as bland as they can be

D-O-N-A-L-D T-R-U-M-P!

*

Donald Trump!

We’re so pumped!

Donald Trump!

He’s on the stump!

*

Let’s raise a middle finger and fuck propriety:

D-O-N-A-L-D T-R-U-M-P!

*

Come along and join the throng

On the road to prosperity

D-O-N-A-L-D T-R-U-M-P!

He has a solution, embraces pollution,

Gets results, slings insults.

(Who cares if the rest of the world is retching?)

*

Who’s the alpha of the pack,

Who can heal our sick country?

D-O-N-A-L-D T-R-U-M-P!

*

Hey there! Hi there! Ho there!

He’s as angry as you and me,

D-O-N-A-L-D T-R-U-M-P!

Donald Trump!

We’re so pumped!

Donald Trump.

He’s on the stump!

*

Come along, let’s sing the song

And start a P-A-C

D-O-N-A-L-D T-R-U-M-P!

*

Yay Donald!

Yay Donald!

Yay Donald Trump!