Every now and then on Facebook or Twitter, I run across a give-yourself-a-point list like the one below.

I remember my first one. I was maybe twelve or thirteen, hadn’t even broken a bone, much less skinny-dipped or enjoyed a one-night stand.

In fact, I scored a 19.  I had appeared on a local kiddie afternoon TV show where preadolescents celebrated birthdays between Hanna and Barbara cartoons. There was an elephant named Suzie-Q. chained up outside the TV station. That was the extent of worldliness.

Anyway, the list made me feel like a loser.

How bittersweet it must be for Mormons and Liberty University alumni to encounter these lists. Sure, some probably feel righteous, but I suspect that more than a few feel somehow inadequate, inexperienced, left out.

Therefore, in the spirit of solidarity with my inexperienced brothers and sisters, I have compiled a list where they, too, can achieve a low score.

GIVE YOURSELF 1 POINT FOR EACH THING YOU HAVEN’T DONE

1. Eaten at Appleby’s
2. Discarded gum underneath a desk
3. Jaywalked
4. Seen a PG-13 movie
5. Stubbed a toe
6. Talked behind someone’s back
7. Farted in a bathtub
8. Forgot to floss
9. Ogled natives in a National Geographic magazine
10.  Dreaded going to school.

How’d you do? I don’t like to brag, but I scored a 0! What a badass!