In the NFC Championship game, I rooted for the Baltimore Ravens because their name comes from the Edgar Allan Poe poem, which the poor boy penned in Baltimore, and also because my friend and bartender extraordinaire Charlie Neeley hails from that neck of the woods.^[1]

Charlie and I-and-I

However, now I’m okay with The Ravens losing because Taylor Swift’s romantic relationship with Kansas City’s tight end Travis Kelce has triggered the Fox News crew and engendered conspiracy theories worthy of the donning of tin hats. Idiocy like this helps to keep my aging cynicism spry as my testosterone slowly takes his final bows and shuffles off stage. 

Rage, rage against the dying of the light and all that R&B.

But I digress. Here’s an unhinged tweet from Mike Crispi, a major pro-Trump broadcast personality: 

“The NFL is totally RIGGED for the Kansas City Chiefs, Taylor Swift, Mr. Pfizer (Travis Kelce). All to spread DEMOCRAT PROPAGANDA. Calling it now: KC wins, goes to Super Bowl, Swift comes out at the halftime show and ‘endorses’ Joe Biden with Kelce at midfield. It’s all been an op since day one.”

Like me, comedian Andrew Nadeau is skeptical: 

“I love the idea that liberals conspired to get Taylor Swift to date Travis Kelce and then rigged the playoffs because this somehow abstractly helps Biden. That’s where we shine. We can’t get free healthcare but perfectly execute a Riddler-esque conspiracy to ruin a football game.”

Swift endorsed Biden in 2020 and spurred 35,000 Insta followers to register to vote recently, so MAGA is terrified that Swift’s popularity with Generation Z will produce massive voter turnout among young adults who typically tend to be apolitical.  

Some passing-the-graveyard-whistlers claim Trump’s celebrity endorsers will counterbalance the Swiftian avalanche.

For example, Jack Posobiec, whom Twitter describes as “an American alt-right political activist, television correspondent, presenter, conspiracy theorist, and former United States Navy intelligence officer” counters: “We don’t have Taylor Swift on our side, but you know who we have? We have Kid Rock. We have Ted Nugent. We have influencers. We have all these people — Jon Voight.”

Ted Nugent and Kid Rock

As the young people say, “Um, okay.”

---

^[1] Note to writers: avoid “penned” as a synonym for “wrote” unless the subject of the sentence formed letters with a quill.