Not Missing Misbehaving

Not Missing Misbehaving

I don’t remember the last time
I cranked down a backseat window
and stuck my head out into
the wind shoosh of a moving vehicle
down a suburban street
back in the day before seatbelts,
shouting some silly something like “E=MC2”
to startled pedestrians
just because I felt like it,
so it’s been a while since I hollered out
of a car window, misbehaving in public.

Private misbehavior I’ve also been guilty of,
like calling bullshit on some shared Biblical absurdity
at a cocktail party in Atlanta or Charleston,
embarrassing my spouse, when I should
have dismissed the chemical spritz
of the believer and not call
attention to myself.
I’m guilty of lesser sins as well
like being the last to leave the party,
absentmindedly belching after a meal,
checking my phone mid-conversation.

But there’s no fun in any of that,
no fun in the sudden oath, the blows and fall
of anger, but I do confess I still
(in my acetic heart) appreciate
the jiu jitsu of a bitchy bon mot
done up in Oscar Wilde style,
knocking a snoot down a
peg or two or three.
So I’m laying off misbehaving, y’all,
heeding the call,
but not exactly minding my own beeswax it seems.

Recitation of “Adam’s Fall” on Yeats’ 159th Birthday

A year or so ago, Buxton Books invited me to recite a favorite poem for their on-line series, “The Power of Poetry” as part of the promotion for my novel Today, Oh Boy. However, I don’t think the clip was ever posted, so in honor of Yeats’ 159th birthday, I’m posting it here. The text of poem itself is below the video.

We sat together at one summer’s end,
That beautiful mild woman, your close friend,
And you and I, and talked of poetry.
I said, ‘A line will take us hours maybe;
Yet if it does not seem a moment’s thought,
Our stitching and unstitching has been naught.
Better go down upon your marrow-bones
And scrub a kitchen pavement, or break stones
Like an old pauper, in all kinds of weather;
For to articulate sweet sounds together
Is to work harder than all these, and yet
Be thought an idler by the noisy set
Of bankers, schoolmasters, and clergymen
The martyrs call the world.’
And thereupon
That beautiful mild woman for whose sake
There’s many a one shall find out all heartache
On finding that her voice is sweet and low
Replied, ‘To be born woman is to know—
Although they do not talk of it at school—
That we must labour to be beautiful.’
I said, ‘It’s certain there is no fine thing
Since Adam’s fall but needs much labouring.
There have been lovers who thought love should be
So much compounded of high courtesy
That they would sigh and quote with learned looks
Precedents out of beautiful old books;
Yet now it seems an idle trade enough.’

We sat grown quiet at the name of love;
We saw the last embers of daylight die,
And in the trembling blue-green of the sky
A moon, worn as if it had been a shell
Washed by time’s waters as they rose and fell
About the stars and broke in days and years.

I had a thought for no one’s but your ears:
That you were beautiful, and that I strove
To love you in the old high way of love;
That it had all seemed happy, and yet we’d grown
As weary-hearted as that hollow moon.

Maybe It’s an Upper Echelon Manifestation of Tourette’s?

Maybe It’s an Upper Echelon Manifestation of Tourette’s?

I get songs stuck in my head.

Songs I don’t even like,

Sometimes songs I even hate.

Songs like “Sugar Pop, My Lollipop.”
or, even worse,
songs like “Sugar, Sugar,”
a bubble gum number one
Archie’s song
so sickenly sweet
that whistling it
or humming it
could cause tooth decay.

I sometimes sing
a bar or two of these
sonic hiccups
in public places,
like on sidewalks
or bar stools,
the words coming unbidden
out of my mouth,
even sometimes
in private places,
like living rooms
I might belt out

Sugar, a honey honey,
You are my candy girl,
And you got me wanting you.

Not to worry, though.
My friends recognize
my bursting into song
as a peccadillo, a quirk,
though one that can become
really, really
irritating,
according to sources
once near and dear to me,
like college suitemates, ex-girlfriends, dead wives . . .

And as for passing strangers,
I really don’t care what they think.

Limerick

There once was a MAGA from Dallas

that had Trump tattooed on his phallus.

Whenever he pumped,

he’d choke Donald Trump

who eventually became quite callous.

The I Ain’t Got No Health Insurance Blues

The I Ain’t Got No Health Insurance Blues

Too bad I ain’t got no 

            self-help-guru instincts

                        as far as

                                    copping a livable income 

is concerned.

                        I should be able to come up with  

                                    seven

                                    or nine 

                                    or

                                    ten 

                                    or so 

                                    steps

                                    that lead to Psychological Salvation!

                                                Potential titles of bestsellers:

                                                How to Dismantle Your Ego

                                                Slow Down, You’re Thinking Too Fast

                                                We Are They and They Are We

The problem is that I don’t follow 

them steps myself. 

I think to write a book like that 

that you need credentials of super-duper success. 

Why buy a book from someone 

who claims to know the wayful path

but who lives in a tiny two-bedroom duplex house 

on the border of a bad neighborhood?  

So I live on a tree-lined street where doors slam, 

                                                            car alarms blare

                        children squeal 

                                                            leaf blowers roar

                        keyboards quietly click. 

A Little Madness in the Spring

A Little Madness in the Spring

I recently ran across a balding fellow, probably in his early forties, wearing a grey too-snug tee-shirt that read “Every Day Is a Good Day.” Of course, I get the subtext: life is miraculous on the cosmic impersonal plane – the nighttime sky, as Hamlet put it, a “brave o’erhanging firmament, [a] majestical roof fretted with golden fire,” not to mention down below “the beauty of the world, the paragon of animals.” We should be thankful for the chain of events that gave rise to a consciousness that allows us to appreciate and contemplate these wonders around us. The subtext of the subtext is that this wonderfulness is the handiwork of a benevolent deity. Every day is a good day because it’s a colorful shard in the ever-shifting kaleidoscope of a creator god’s abracadabra. 

But, as we all know, a day’s goodness or badness depends on an individual’s experience during that 24-hour period. For example, at Chico Feo I just heard a horrific account of a traffic fatality that happened on Folly Beach last night. A car crammed with six drunks doing 65 in a 25-zone barreled into a golf cart driven, as the story was told to me, by a woman who had just gotten married that very day on the island.[1]

So, I might suggest, that the tee shirt’s message be edited: “For me, every day is a good day” instead.

And print this on the back.

A little Madness in the Spring
Is wholesome even for the King,
But God be with the Clown —
Who ponders this tremendous scene —
This whole Experiment of Green —
As if it were his own!

                                    Emily Dickinson


[1] The fellow who related the story said she was in her bridal gown.

The Hyper Southern Gothic Murdaugh Saga

image via The Beat who copped it from Shotgun Stories

The Hyper Southern Gothic Murdaugh Saga



coming soon to a drive-in theater near you



Boating under the influence, 
involuntary manslaughter
				way down south 
					in the godforsaken backwater
							of Colleton Country, South Carolina,
				we have, 
					in addition to addiction, a double homicide –
										alleged filicide – 
	mother and son dispatched 
	via assault weapon and shotgun,
				a botched faux murder/staged suicide, 
						and earlier, in the abode of the accused,
							a housekeeper tumbling 
								down steps to her death.
								.
		
		Did I mention 
		insurance theft, 
		crystal meth, 
		financial skullduggery,
		abandoned mills,
		prescription pills?


It's as if William Faulkner 
and Flannery O'Connor
joined forces with 
Harold Robbins. 

Add an ebon dash
of E.A. Poe
and presto:
you got the hyper Southern Gothic Murdaugh saga.

Vacuity Cubed

Alex Gross

Vacuity Cubed

Be assured that a walk through the ocean of most souls
Would scarcely get your feet wet.

Christopher Guest, “Deteriorata”

Hi, how are things?
How are you?
What have you been up to?

I was so drunk last night!
Oh my God!
I love your shoes!

Chuck Sullivan Reading “Juggler on the Radio”

George Fox, impresario extraordinare, has made Mondays on Folly Beach a day not to dread but one to look forward to. His open mic Singer/Songwriter Soapbox, which features original works, is attracting nationally known artists such Sierra Hull, Joel Timmons, Sally George, and the poet Chuck Sullivan, who published in Esquire Magazine in the Seventies when Gordon Lish ruled that literary roost and introduced readers to the likes of Raymond Carver, Cynthia Ozick, T. Coraghessan Boyle, and Richard Ford.

Here’s a clip of Chuck reading his poem “Juggler on the Radio” at the Soapbox on 8 November 2022.

[Hat tip to Catherine Coulter for the video]

And, best of all, it’s free!

from Old Wes’s Almanack

Disencumbered with Old Nonsense, the Old Doggere[a]list Turns the Page

Let yesterday go,
Ralph Waldo says sagely.
Forget about the squandered dough
and your dead dog Saisy.

Ray Charles was right,
“They ain’t nothing you can do,”
so enjoy today’s ephemeral light
and whip up a pot of oyster stew.

Saisy