A Post Labor Day Meditation

A Post Labor Day Meditation

I said, ‘It’s certain there is no fine thing   

Since Adam’s fall but needs much labouring.

WB Yeats, “Adam’s Curse”

It’s the Tuesday after Labor Day, and, as if on cue, the weather has turned a tad cooler.  The trees outside my second story office are swaying, nodding, trembling in a brisk breeze. In the back yard, morning glory vines have carpeted the Asiatic jasmine with purple flowers while the untended Elaeagnus is broadening its realm and sprouting ugly baldish shoots skyward. 

So this morning, armed with swing blade and hedge clippers, I braved the mosquitos to do a bit of long overdo maintenance, which oddly enough brought to mind Milton’s Paradise Lost where Eve and Adam are tasked by their Creator to tend to the garden’s growth. They must “lop” or “prune” or “bind,” but nevertheless “wanton growth derides” and the garden “tends to wilde” (sic). So, channeling her inner Adam Smith, Eve suggests she and Adam divide their labor, which leaves her isolated and vulnerable to the blandishments of Satan’s forked tongue and phallic charms:

            [The Serpent] Address’d his way, not with indented wave,
            Prone on the ground, as since, but on his reare,
            Circular base of rising foulds, that tour’d
            Fould above fould a surging Maze, his Head
            Crested aloft and Carbuncle his Eyes; 

            With burnisht Neck of verdant Gold, erect[1]
            Amidst his circling Spires . . . 

This seduction, of course, leads to the fall of humankind, so farewell, delightful gardening, hail back-breaking farm labor.

Thus, Adam’s curse is twofold: death and labor.

Yet, I think that without meaningful labor we humans tend to wither, and how horrible a terrestrial eternal life would be! Just ask Petronius’s Sibyl: 

I saw with my own eyes the Sibyl at Cumae hanging in a cage, and when the boys said to her: “Sibyl, what do you want?” she answered: “I want to die.”[2]            

                                                                                                Petronius, The Satyricon

Or the old man in Chaucer’s “The Pardoner’s Tale”:

            Thus I walk, like a restless wretch,

            And on the ground, which is my mother’s gate,

            I knock with my staff, both early and late,

            And say, “Dear mother, let me in!”

                                                            Chaucer, “The Pardoner’s Tale”

So, we should be thankful for Original Sin. Otherwise, we’d be stuck in a never-ending cycle of gardening, which would delight some of my friends, but is not to my taste.

I’ll give Wallace Stevens the last word:

            Is there no change of death in paradise?

            Does ripe fruit never fall? Or do the boughs

            Hang always heavy in that perfect sky,

            Unchanging, yet so like our perishing earth,

            With rivers like our own that seek for seas

            They never find, the same receding shores

            That never touch with inarticulate pang?

            Why set the pear upon those river-banks

            Or spice the shores with odors of the plum?

            Alas, that they should wear our colors there,

            The silken weavings of our afternoons,

            And pick the strings of our insipid lutes!

            Death is the mother of beauty, mystical,

            Within whose burning bosom we devise

            Our earthly mothers waiting, sleeplessly.

                                                                        Wallace Stevens, “Sunday Morning”


[1] Emphasis mine. But while I’m at it here below, shouldn’t some vice crusader alert Moms for Liberty that this filth is hiding in virtually every high school library in America! 

[2] “The Sibyl of Cumae was a prophetess in service to Apollo and a great beauty. Apollo wished to take her as his lover and offered her anything she desired. She asked to live for as many years as there were grains in a handful of dust. Apollo granted her wish, but still she refused to become his lover. In time, the sibyl came to regret her boon as she grew old but did not die. She lived for hundreds of years, each year becoming smaller and frailer, Apollo having given her long life but not eternal youth. When Trimalchio speaks of her in the Satyricon, she is little more than a tourist attraction, tiny, ancient, confined, and longing to die.”  from a hyperlink in windingway.org’s hypertext version of TS Eliot’s “The Waste Land”

Back Then, Right Now

Back Then, Right Now

When you face the preacher, there’s only one thing to say:
Just skeep-beep de bop-bop beep bop bo-dope skeetle-at-de-op-day!

                                                                           Cab Calloway

Back Then 

In the1950s version 

            of yesteryear

                                    beatniks all hepped up 

                                                                        on goofballs 

            snapped their fingers  

                                                in the wee hours 

                                                                                    while 

                                                                                    Cub

                                                                                    Scout

                                                                                    den

                                                                                    mothers

                                                                                    slept.

Secondhand smoke thick as pre-EPA Pittsburg smog.

Dizzy, Bird, Trane, 

            blowing their horns,

                                                Roy, Max, Billie Higgins beating their drums.

But then what? 

                                    The next day, 

                                                                        the unforgiving light,

                                                                                                            and then another day . . . 

Right Now

In the 2020s 

not much linguistic abracadabra, 

but on the other hand, 

I can hook up with Lester Young and Lady Day

on YouTube 

                        and snap my fingers 

                                                            all hepped up on 

my very own 

            garden variety 

                                    brain chemicals in a

             smoke 

                        free

             space.

                        It ain’t all bad – not yet.

Raymond Carver + Bruce Springsteen = “Down Bound Train”

In the early ’80s, after my late wife Judy Birdsong landed a full-time position at Trident Technical College teaching psychology, I quit my po-dunk so-called assistant managerial position at Safeco[1] and decided to try my hand at writing short fiction full time. I had been selected to participate in a SC Arts Commission workshop headed by Blanch McCrary Boyd. Other writers in the workshop included Josephine Humphreys, Lee Robinson, Billy Baldwin, Harlan Greene, Steve Hoffius, Greg Williams, and Starkey Flythe, Jr., among others.

Through Starkey’s suggestion, Greg Williams and I attended the Sandhills Writing Conference at Augusta College in Georgia, where Starkey lived.[2]  At the conference, I learned a lot from writers I’d never heard of before, but the most profound consequence of my attending was discovering Raymond Carver. Why I had not heard of Carver is puzzling; nevertheless, better late than never.

I found his short stories thrilling, well crafted in the Flannery O’Connor sense of every detail contributing to the stories’ central themes, for example, the long white beard of the blind man in “Cathedral” evoking associations with blind seer Tiresias as he guides the benighted first person narrator into the realm of light, the blind not leading the blind not into a ditch but into a state of enlightenment.

However, most of Carver’s stories are the opposite of uplifting, like “A Serious Talk,” the story of a post-divorce Boxing Day encounter in which an estranged husband attempts to make up with his wife after trying to burn her house down, or like “Popular Mechanics,” a story dramatizing a breakup that ends with the husband and wife engaging in a literal tug-of-war with their baby:

Let go of him, he said. 

“Don’t,” she said. “You’re hurting the baby,” she said.

“I’m not hurting the baby, he said

The kitchen window gave no light. In the near-dark he worked on her fisted fingers with one hand and with the other hand he gripped the screaming baby up under an arm near the shoulder. She felt her fingers being forced open. She felt the baby going from her.

“No!” she screamed just as her hands came loose.

He would have it, this baby. She grabbed for the baby’s other arm. She caught the baby around the wrist and leaned back. But he would not let go. He felt the baby slipping out of his hands and he pulled back very hard.

In this manner, the issue was decided.

* * *

Three years after Carver’s collection What We Talk About When We Talk About Love was published, Bruce Springsteen released his seventh album, Born In the USA.  Aside from the sonic pleasures of Springsteen’s rock-‘n’-roll, I have always admired his story-telling talents, how he creates working class characters who come alive for the listener. He, too, like Carver, provides details that vivify his narratives, and as with Carver’s, Springsteen’s characters often don’t find redemption.

Here are the lyrics of “Downbound Train,” the final song of Side 1.

I had a job, I had a girl
I had something going, mister, in this world
I got laid off down at the lumber yard
Our love went bad, times got hard.

Now I work down at the carwash
Where all it ever does is rain
Don’t you feel like you’re a rider
On a downbound train?

She just said, “Joe, I gotta go
We had it once, we ain’t got it anymore.”
She packed her bags, left me behind
She bought a ticket on the Central Line.

Nights as I sleep, I hear that whistle whining
I feel her kiss in the misty rain,
And I feel like I’m a rider
On a downbound train.

Last night, I heard your voice
You were cryin’, cryin’, you were so alone
You said your love had never died.
You were waiting for me at home.

Put on my jacket, I ran through the woods.
I ran ’til I thought my chest would explode.
There in the clearing, beyond the highway
In the moonlight, our wedding house shone.

I rushed through the yard, I burst through the front door.
My head pounding hard, up the stairs I climbed.
The room was dark, our bed was empty.
Then I heard that long whistle whine
And I dropped to my knees, hung my head and cried.

Now I swing a sledgehammer on a railroad gang
Knocking down them cross ties, working in the rain.
Now don’t it feel like you’re a rider
On a downbound train?

But here’s something else. When Springsteen performs these songs, he transforms into the characters he sings about. Like a method actor, he summons memories that blur the distinction between rock star and the wretches he sings about. He feels what they feel, and it shows.

For example, note during the dream sequence of the clip below, at 1:55, how he trembles when he sings, 

“Put on my jacket, I ran through the woods.
I ran ’til I thought my chest would explode.
There in the clearing, beyond the highway
In the moonlight, our wedding house shone.

I rushed through the yard, I burst through the front door.
My head pounding hard, up the stairs I climbed.
The room was dark, our bed was empty.
Then I heard that long whistle whine
And I dropped to my knees, hung my head and cried.”

I mean, I find this to be very moving. Like the blind man in “Cathedral,” Springsteen is creating empathy, creating someone besides myself I can feel sorry for.

Blessed be the artists who take us out of ourselves.


[1] Not the insurance company but a safety equipment distributor. 

[2] Coincidentally, Greg won in a tie the second place short fiction award.

Fellow Marxists, Fascists, and Communists, No Need to Break Out the Molotovs 

I have the slightest acquaintanceship with the novelist TC Boyle, whom I occasionally try to convince that his despair over what he sees as Trump’s inevitable election is unfounded, so I thought I’d summarize my arguments and share them with the public at large. 

So, ladies and gentlemen, bulldogs and babies, here’s why Trump’s going to lose the 2024 election.

Technical Reasons 

Donald Trump runs the Republican Party the way dictators run their fiefdoms, i.e., by purging professional bureaucrats and replacing them with family members, like daughter-in-law Laura, the head of the RNC, who would probably have trouble successfully running a laundromat, much less a complicated multi-state conglomeration.  This means that the party doesn’t have the organizational apparatus in place to competently run a campaign, to assemble a 50-state ground game, for example.

A case in point, the piss poor vetting of JD Vance. To win the election, Trump needs to increase his appeal among suburban women, and he’s not going to win them over by selecting a frothing at the mouth misogynist like the Senator from Ohio[1]. In 2020, on Eric Weinstein’s podcast Portal, Vance agreed with his host that “postmenopausal females” exist just to help take care of children. I’m certain some slick communistic Hollywood commercial maker is crafting an attack ad quoting Vance as I type this. Hey, JD, this is late empire America not Medieval Slovenia. 

With more states adding right-to-choose referenda – most recently Arizona and Missouri – more women will be inclined to vote. The women I hang with, postmenopausal and otherwise, don’t want some self-identified hillbilly or convicted rapist telling them what they can’t so with their bodies.

Perhaps the most salient technical reason that DJT is going to lose the election is that he seems incapable of attempting to broaden his coalition. All he does at these rallies is sling red meat to lost souls in attendance and promise massive tax cuts to CEOs who would rather increase their wealth than provide free school lunches to food-insecure children.

And by the way, as much as Donald would like the economy to crater before the election, with today’s strong retail sales report and a likely interest rate cut coming in September, that ain’t going to happen in the 90-odd days before the election. 

Fundamental Reasons

Donald Trump’s always suffered from Narcissistic Personality Disorder; however, now that pathology is compounded by his diminished mental acuity, the product of decrepit age, to use WB Yeats’ unlovely term. Some also suggest that Trump is addicted to Adderall, which they blame for his periodic sniffing. Anyway, he is, as he said the other day, who he is.

No way he’ll quit obsessing over crowd sizes or cease with the adolescent nicknames, and as the election intensifies, his infirmities will be increasingly obvious to those paying attention. 

Anyway, his song and dance is getting really stale, or as one wag put it on Twitter/X, Donald is in his fat Elvis stage. Diehard fans adore him, but who else enjoys being bombarded with a constant barrage of hyperbolic negativity – foreign hordes pouring into our cul-de-sacs, the future a Blade Runner hellscape if Kamala wins – a land in which saying Merry Christmas could land you in jail.

Only idiots believe shit like that.

Harris Walz

Trump could very well have defeated Biden, especially after the debate; however, now he’s running against a formidable ticket that exudes joy and points to a bright future where citizens collaborate to address problems, a ticket that doesn’t want to dismantle NATO, or coddle up to dictators.

Conclusion

So chins up, pinko-fascists, if we work hard to get out the vote and unloosen our purses and donate, we got this thing. I don’t foresee my deleting this post on November 7, the day Caroline and I are going to see fellow Trotskyite Sarah Silverman at the Charleston Music Hall.

So, chill thyselves.


[1] Note the authentic-sounding pundit-ese. – “the Senator from Ohio.” 

My Brain Is Like a Victorian Attic

My brain is like a Victorian attic – cluttered, too busy, 

            crisscrossed with cobwebs 

and full of musty old books with colorful illustraytions.

(sic)

            Let’s crank up the old Victrola.

            “I Dream of Jeanie with the Light Brown Hair”

            Floating like a vapor . . . 

Consciousness, 

burning,

burning like, like, a dying star,

blazing a circle seen

in this very room where 

I remember that other darkened room,

my grandmother, Saisy Blanton,

her hair unbunned, grey as slate, 

hanging past her waist,

 a big woman squatting 

over the bedpan like, like a human tent,

the metallic stream’s sizzle abating 

            tinkle, tinkle. Little

Boy Blue come . . .  Lasssssssss-seeeeeeee!

Words accumulating like marbles in a bowl.  

That tiny explosion when the TV’s clicked on.  

A horizonal line on a black screen.

Crackle, 

            then Rin Tin Tin running.  

The real dog Ace, a Doberman, outside 

            chained to a post.

            lying in the stripe of a shadow

            in the dirt under the eave 

of the house that also serves as a service station.

The Self-Help Book I Wish Someone Would Write

Leah Palmer Preiss

The Self-Help Book I Wish Someone Would Write

Even though I’ve written parodies of self-help books, I don’t think I’ve ever read a real one all the way through.[1]  But, oh, lots of other people have. According to Worldmetrics.org, “the global self-help industry is estimated to be worth $11 billion,” and “58% of Americans have purchased a self-help product at least once.”

I guess one reason I’m not into self-help is that I’m in my seventies, retired, so not in the market to pick up “the 7 habits of highly effective people” nor do I have the energy to “accept nothing less than the life [I] deserve.”[2] Before retirement, revisiting the texts I was teaching left little time for recreational reading, so if I were going to slip a side book in between Crime and Punishment and The Sound and the Fury, it would be a contemporary novel like Cloud Atlas rather than the bogus-sounding The Influential Mind: What Our Brains Reveal About Our Power to Change Others. 

There is, however, a topic I wish some self-help sage would address, i.e., helping wretches like me come to terms with “the thousand shocks that flesh is heir to,” in other words, how to help us forget those PTSD-inducing experiences.

My late wife Judy Birdsong used to complain about what she called my “demons,” for example, my habit of awakening in the dead of night screaming after a nightmare conjuring that time at age seven when I accidently saw my demented wheelchair-bound great aunt naked. Or my self-defeating habit of reexperiencing in a never-ending loop Lonnie Smith’s getting deked in the ’91 World Series and not scoring what would have been the winning run. Imagine being at your in-laws at the Thanksgiving table holding hands while the patriarch is praying out loud, but rather than joining in the amens, you blurt out, “Dammit, Lonnie, why did you stop running?”

I wish some self-help sage would write How to Turn Your Demons into a Flea Circus. Ideally, this book would demonstrate to the – to use a quaint term – neurotic reader that she has blown negative life events way out of proportion, that she should shrink those bloodsucking vampires of her imagination into fleas, absurd itty bitty insects performing amusing little tricks in a miniature circus mock-up complete with tiny trapezes and tightropes. In essence, to find the humor in horror.

How to Turn Your Demons into a Flea Circus would teach us how not to take ourselves so seriously. Rather than being blown out of proportion, these negative life events would be weighed against what TS Eliot called “the immense panorama of futility and anarchy” i.e. the historical tapestry of famine, war, and genocide. 

Come to think of it, though it’s certainly not a quick fix, reading great literature is a way to tame those demons because it teaches, to quote Wesley Moore III, that “suffering doesn’t make you special; it makes you human.”[3]

I suspect that there’s not a quick fix. So, to quote the late, great Kurt Cobain, “never mind.”

I’ll leave you with this:


[1] Tolerating Upper Middle Class Northerners for Dummies, Crippnotes: Moore’s Treatise on Rearing Children in Late Empire America, and Mining Insomnia for Gold. 

[2] Come to think of it, given some of the stupid, hurtful things I’ve done, I’m thankful that I’m not living the life I deserve.

[3] from “The Art of Grieving.”

Flailing

photo credit Judy Birdsong

Flailing

Old kettles, old bottles, and a broken can . . . 

WB Yeats, “The Circus Animals’ Desertion”

In the not so good ol’ days of yore,

            the heyday 

in my blood 

            untamed,

I’d tap out trite love poems 

            on a typewriter. 

Frustrated, I might snatch the paper from the machine, 

            ball up the

the aborted Petrarchan 

            bellyaching,

and fling it across the room –

            as if I were a protagonist in a film,

not a melodramatic nobody 

            all hepped up on hormones

sitting at a desk 

                                    flailing.

photo credit Judy Birdsong

Our Farcical Phase

Our Farcical Phase

“History repeats itself, first as tragedy, then as farce.”

Karl Marx

Let me begin this scholarly screed by introducing you to some of the lovelies who frequent the Felliniesque get-togethers at Mar-a-Lago.

I mean, we’re in John Waters territory here, in the land of farce, grotesque exaggeration, caricature.

From John Water’s “Female Trouble”

Speaking of which, Thursday a week ago (18 July 2024) on the stage of the Republican National Convention, Hulk Hogan endorsed Donald Trump, “the quadrice-indicted twice-impeached once-convicted popular-vote-losing adderall-huffing insurrection-leading ear-diapering testimony-ducking judge-threatening lawyer-ignoring witness-tampering day-one-dictatoring disabled-veteran-dishonoring inheritance-squandering rube-fleecing clown-makeup-smearing language-mangling serial-sexual-predating draft-dodging casino-bankrupting butler-bullying daughter-perving hush-money-paying real-estate-scamming bone-spur-faking ketchup-hurling justice-obstructing classified-war-plan-thieving golf-cheating weather-map-defacing horse-paste-promoting paper-towel-flinging race-baiting tax-evading evidence-destroying charity-defrauding money-laundering diaper-filling 88-count 78-year-old fluorescent tangerine felony factory.”[1]

At the end of his speech, Hogan ripped off his shirt to reveal a tee emblazoned with 

TRUMP

VANCE

MAKE AMERICA GREAT AGAIN!

Not surprisingly, the literature of Nero’s Rome provides us with an ancient parallel to our current farcical state of affairs. Check out in your ample spare time The Satyricon by Petronius the Arbiter.[2] Here’s a still from Fellini’s cinematic treatment of Petronius’s classic, from the chapter known as “Trimalchio’s Dinner.”[3]

In his famous statement, “history repeats itself, first as tragedy, then as farce,” Marx was riffing on the Hegelian idea that history repeats patterns but in different ways, e.g., the French Revolution leading to Napoleon I (tragedy) and then to rise and fall of Napoleon III (farce).

Or, to draw a North American Parallel, the American Revolution is followed by the Civil War (tragedy) and then by the MAGA revolution (farce).

However, the thing is that when melodrama is exaggerated it becomes comic a la Reefer Madness, but when farce is overly exaggerated, it can become terrifying in a creepy clown sort of way.

I mean, imagine being trapped in an elevator with Don, Jr.’s fiancé Kimberly Guilfoyle! Imagine the future White House wedding. 

Bring in some pillars and Cecile B DeMille.


[1] from the poison keyboard of Jeff Tiedrich. 

[2] Which also provided TS Eliot with his epigraph for “The Waste Land.”

[3] More fun facts to know and share. Fitzgerald’s working title for The Great Gatsby was Trimalchio.

Smack Dab in the Middle of the Summer

Smack Dab in the Middle of the Summer

I try not to take things for granted. For example, yesterday Caroline and I sludged on foot through heavy humidity to Planet Follywood for breakfast, and as my sunglasses fogged up like a time-lapsed cataract, I thought to myself how nice it is not to have to assess essays. 

Of course, we’re smack dab in the middle of the summer, so I wouldn’t have any essays to grade anyway, but still, if I weren’t retired, I’d be lamenting that it’s really not the middle of the summer, given contemporary school schedules. The post Labor Day onset of school has gone the way of the hand-cranked eggbeater, a relic of the predigital era. I recently overheard someone say that school this year starts on August 7th, which is way too early — way, way too early.

Of course, the very beginning of school does have its charms, like meeting new colleagues and students, and the welcome-back faculty and staff cocktail party is fun, but the next thing you know, you’re slogging through over-annotated summer reading books and their accompanying journals. More than any other project, including research papers, I hated assessing those annotated novels and journals, fussing over inelegant quotation integration, encouraging students to break quotes into small units and imbed them into analytical prose.

For example, 

Not: “Moore juxtapositions descriptions of impoverished Camilla Creel and Jill Birdsong during Activity Period. Camilla has no friends. ‘As usual Camilla Creel doesn’t move from her seat when the bell rings for Activity Period. The rest of the girls in her home economics class can’t wait to put away the dress patterns they’re cutting out and stow those scissors so they can rush out into the teeming halls where boys cut fool and girls gossip.’ Compare this with ‘Jill Birdsong has made her way to the Junior Civitan meeting in Miss McGee’s room.'”

[vigorous yawn]

But Instead: Moore adds another set of foils to underscore differences among the characters, in this case Camilla Creel and Jill Birdsong. At Activity Period, friendless Camilla ‘doesn’t move from seat when the bell rings,’ unlike Jill Birdsong, who is making ‘her way to the Junior Civitan meeting in Miss McGee’s room’ to interact with her peers in choosing a charitable project for an African American nursing home. Ironically, Camilla is so impoverished that her family lives in an abandoned school bus, but to the rest of the school, she’s essentially invisible.”[1]  

[lesser yawn]

So, my mid-summer Island life isn’t darkened by dreading upcoming responsibilities. Now I can complain about the heat and tourists walking five abreast on Hudson Street instead of interminable faculty meetings and the annual blood borne pathogen tutorial and accompanying test.

[cue Alice Cooper]: “School’s out forever.” The back-to-school sales no longer produce sighs.


[1] from Today, Oh Boy, (121-3).  BTW, I realize it’s obnoxious to market my novel like this. But buy it, dammit. Here’s a LINK.

Not Missing Misbehaving

Not Missing Misbehaving

I don’t remember the last time
I cranked down a backseat window
and stuck my head out into
the wind shoosh of a moving vehicle
down a suburban street
back in the day before seatbelts,
shouting some silly something like “E=MC2”
to startled pedestrians
just because I felt like it,
so it’s been a while since I hollered out
of a car window, misbehaving in public.

Private misbehavior I’ve also been guilty of,
like calling bullshit on some shared Biblical absurdity
at a cocktail party in Atlanta or Charleston,
embarrassing my spouse, when I should
have dismissed the chemical spritz
of the believer and not call
attention to myself.
I’m guilty of lesser sins as well
like being the last to leave the party,
absentmindedly belching after a meal,
checking my phone mid-conversation.

But there’s no fun in any of that,
no fun in the sudden oath, the blows and fall
of anger, but I do confess I still
(in my acetic heart) appreciate
the jiu jitsu of a bitchy bon mot
done up in Oscar Wilde style,
knocking a snoot down a
peg or two or three.
So I’m laying off misbehaving, y’all,
heeding the call,
but not exactly minding my own beeswax it seems.