Trump’s First Year: Predictions

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Inauguration Day

A la Shakespeare’s Julius Caesar and Macbeth, natural phenomena go haywire. The earth becomes feverous and shakes; lions are seen strolling up K Street. By clock it is day, but night has strangled the sun, casting darkness about the capital. When Trump places his hand upon the Bible, his palm and fingers are seared. Franklin Graham blames all of these unnatural events on the LBGTQ community.

Kid Rock recites an Inaugural poem.

O-Da-Lin in the USA

Yo,Yo,Yo, Yo Da Lin in the USA

A delicious break from socialists.

Yo Da Laheeeeoooooooo

Here we go, Prez; take it away!

Cash bars are set up at all of the Inaugural Balls. Trump pockets the profits.

The Rest of January

Led by Paul Ryan and Mitch McConnell, Congress scraps Medicare and replaces it with vouchers and tax credits entitling bearers deep discounts in burial/cremation services.

dscn1788

February

Lorne Michaels goes missing.

Trump signs an executive order making Moscow Washington’s “Sister City.”

President Trump nominates Roy Moore for the Supreme Court.

March 

Attorney General Jeff Sessions charges Hillary Clinton with treason.

President Trump signs an executive order replacing Arabic numerals with Roman Numerals.

NBC cancels SNL.

hillary-perp

April

April is the cruelest month, breeding

Lilacs out of the dead land, mixing

Memory and desire, stirring

Dull roots with spring rain.

May 

Jared Kushner successfully accomplishes a hostile takeover of the New York Times. The New York Times buys the New York Post. The New York Post buys the Washington Post. The Washington Post buys The Village Voice.

Celebrations break out in trailer parks across America as Congress abolishes the Estate Tax.

June

President Trump celebrates his LXXI birthday at the Eastern Whitehouse in St. Petersburg, Russia. He and Putin announce a new joint Trump/Putin resort in the Crimea.

July

Hillary Clinton begins a hunger strike.

August

Trump takes a month off. Congress recesses.

Card carrying communists Santa and Mrs. Claus drown in Arctic Ocean.

SNL replaced by comedy show starring Andrew Dice Clay.

santa-and-nrs

 

September

Trump awards Howard Stern a Presidential Medal of Freedom Award.

The Statue of Liberty takes her own life, and Trump replaces her with a statue of Melania.

melania-liberty

October

Evangelicals lobby Trump to ban Trick or Treating as a satanic communistic ritual that encourages the redistribution of candy among the masses.

Trump refuses in what the NY Times editorial board calls “the greatest act of personal heroics since Sir Thomas More was beheaded for his convictions.”

November   

Congress repeals the ACA and replaces it with free first aid kits to all uninsured families (while supplies last).

December

Hillary Clinton dies in captivity.

America is finally great again.

10 thoughts on “Trump’s First Year: Predictions

  1. Are you related to Sir Thomas More? Being Irish, I thought perhaps your ancestors distanced Sir Thomas’s fame by adding an extra “o” to you guys’ last name in order to skip slavery in America. I always loved the way the Irish would dance w/o moving their torso so below the barn door they were having fun, but it appeared they were working when the authorities came by and saw their task (whatever that may have been) in the process of completion from above the door 🙂 That’s why there are many famous Irish dances that are only done w/ the legs. What’s up w/ Irish and writing? JFK was supposed to be the fastest reader on record and my second favorite President. You AND your son are off the charts when it comes to writing. Is it just ingrained in the Irish culture? Idk what it is, but the Irish Catholic was so fearless in the PT109 as well as the push for civil rights, the space race, and I even saw a video where he mentioned equal pay for equal work (a glass ceiling we still haven’t shattered), Then there was his brilliant use of Primary Opponent Adele Stephens as a spy of some sorts during the Cuban Missile Crisis. I have no idea how it worked but I’m pretty sure he was the Ambassador to the U.N. Then they wound up taking him off the payroll and used a back channel (a common Kennedy trick), and used him as a spy that helped end the Crisis. Btw, that was a nice touch on Lady Liberty :).

  2. Hey, Rodney. Although I have some Scots Irish on my mother’s side, the Moores are English, probably immigrants from France way back. Lord, I do love the Irish, though — their music, their poetry (Yeats), their fiction (Joyce), and their drama (Shaw, Wilde). How did such a tiny island (it’s almost exactly the same size as South Carolina) produce so many geniuses?

  3. There’s something about those Irish Catholics that turn out to be genii like the Kennedys and yourself. I know you’re Episcopalian like my family, but it’s close enough to Catholic 🙂

  4. Remaining politically neutral, I believe Ireland has also produced an abundant supply of the most talented musicians in the world. Maybe it has something to do with the isolation of being such a tiny island.

  5. ONE MORE REPLY to “Trump’s First Year: Predictions” for May since I place equal blame on Gary Johnson as I do the media’s cowardice performance in its coverage of Trump. He literally proved any press is good press given people turned a blind eye to rape allegations from a PROMINENT journalist at People magazine, accusations of child molestation of a 12 year old, and his admitting groping women being ok since he’s a celebrity. Jared Kushner could very well walk away doing what you’re talking about now that Trump is ushering in the Fox crew for his entourage and being that now money is *officially* speech, what’s to stop him. I just don’t get it. I thought we had THE most tenacious and aggressive press in the world, but they were held back by bars that contain cows at the fair? I thought our system couldn’t allow an authoritarian to rise because we PRESS power to be accountable. It’s right there in the name, “PRESS”. Oh well, since you brought this up I wanted to recommend a movie (which I rarely do) to you if you have any time extra time on your hands to watch it now or in the future. I know Judy is on Day 14 of her treatment, so please don’t feel obligated whatsoever. It’s called “Spotlight” and it got 5 stars on Netflix. The movie is about the international Catholic Church scandal about child molestation. It’s tentacles actually popped up in your home sweet home of Charleston, along w/ Venezuela, Chile, New Zealand, Poland. Mexico, and pretty much anywhere on the map you can think of. Anyway, it’s what happens when an entity becomes more powerful than the 1st Amendment, in this case which something I truly feel Trump did EVEN to slanted programs that come on MSNBC, which is truly terrifying to me.

  6. Pingback: A Year Most of Us Would Like to Forget – You Do Hoodoo?

  7. Pressing forward 7 months how are you feeling about the journalists today? Me personally im disgusted .

  8. Just spent an incredible weekend with Guiller and Jeanne Moore, born and raised in Howth, Ireland (Guiller in the middle singing).

    https://photos.app.goo.gl/ofAz41rN5uungDNK2

    I don’t know if you’d call it genius, but these people are the salt of the earth.

    Back to the drawing board on predictions. Screw the press, they’ve forgotten what their job is.

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